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Landmark Resolution in Local Family’s BMW Hullabaloo
by Hugh G. Eegoh

RIDGECREST, CALIFORNIA (AP) - Frank Boisvert and Tim Boisvert, known to family members as the greatest participants in the Boisvert/Brownlee family’s perpetual “pissing contest,” have agreed to a settlement, the terms of which are detailed as follows:

• Frank Boisvert agrees to go on record that Tim Boisvert was the first owner of a BMW in the Boisvert/Brownlee family.

• Subsequent purchases of any vehicle made under any marque owned/engineered/designed by BMW (including Rover, Mini, and BMW proper) shall result in a 3-year “quiet period,” during which time neither Frank nor Tim shall have claim to question the motives by which either of them has purchased the vehicle.

• Tim Boisvert will go on record that Frank Boisvert is a superior driver of vehicles of all type, with the exception of sailboats (Tim has the Boy Scouts of America’s “Small-boat Sailing” Merit Badge).

• An independent panel has recommended that a de-militarized zone be set up in the front driveway of the Boisvert/Brownlee estate in Ridgecrest, California. Both Frank Boisvert and Tim Boisvert shall stipulate to said request.
  

  Local resident Steve McGee reacts with surprise as he hears the news of the agreement.

“All of the interested parties have been working overtime to conclude this deal and I’m delighted that an agreement has been reached,” noted Frank Boisvert as he walked out of Bud Eyre Toyota on N. China Lake Boulevard. Tim Boisvert agreed: “The past is water under the bridge at this point. All that mattered to both of us was that we resolve this now before our future children end up hating each other.”

Robert Boisvert, the father of the two gentlemen and proud owner of a penis truck, was not available for comment.

A signing ceremony is scheduled for late December, to be held in conjunction with the opening of the de-militarized zone in the front driveway. A VIP-only party is to be held afterward.